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Jokes 13

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Media Howlers

"The band never actually split up - we just stopped speaking to each other and went our own separate ways."
Boy George, Radio 2

"Damien Hirst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark in formaldehyde."
Fashion Commentator, Radio 4

"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."
Radio 1 Newsbeat

"Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on decommissioning?"
Interviewer, UTV

"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil."
Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News

"...fears that the balloon may be forced to ditch in the Pacific. Mr Branson, however, remains buoyant and hopes to reach America..."
Radio 4 News

"Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than one hand..."
Jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister

"And Nakano tries to avoid being passed by his teammate Trulli, which should in fact be quite easy, because Trulli is going more slowly than his teammate Nakano"
Murray Walker, ITV

"A fascinating duel between 3 men..."
David Coleman, Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC

"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward"
Geoff Boycott, Radio 5 Live

"It has been the German Army's largest peacetime operation since
World War 2"
ITN

"Israeli troops have this morning entered the Arab township of Hebron, in search of the perpetrators of the recent suicide bomb attacks"
CNN News

"Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"
Commentator at Spar Athletics

"Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat"
Renton Laidlaw

"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there's no advantage"
Barry Sheene

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish"
Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" 
Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" 
Barry Venison

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"
Kevin Keegan

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"
Kevin Keegan

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"
Ron Atkinson

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it : you can see it all over their faces" 
Ron Atkinson

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders" 
Ron Atkinson

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw" 
Ron Atkinson

"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks." 
Sharron Davies, BBC

"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse."
Stephen Roche, Eurosport

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." 
Barry Venison, ITV

"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed."
Live TV

"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." 
Ian Wright, ITV

"It's amazing how, in this part of the world, history has been part of its past."
David Duffy, Eurosport

"And that was played by the Lindsay String Quartet... or at least two thirds of them."
Sean Rafferty, Radio 3

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" 
Ian St John

"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil - or even less."
Nasser Hussain, Channel 5

"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it's about."
George Gavin, Sky Sport