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Jokes 04

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Food for thought...

I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime artist next door went nuts.

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?

Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Light travels faster than sound. Is that why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak?

How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds fee" when they already know you don't have any?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adore?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck when someone threw a gun at him?

Why does lemon juice contain "artificial ingredients" but dish washing liquid contains "real lemons"?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?


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